I didn't understand what was going on. I took six months to accept my condition. During that period, I felt separated from mainstream society.

But with counselling from the Centre of Communicable Diseases, I was able to get on with life. I was very touched that there were people who cared about HIV patients.

I attended many HIV programmes and learnt more about HIV, such as the medication, how to handle the symptoms, what's safe and what's not safe.

The illness made me feel tired and very down, so my doctor advised me to take vitamins and herbs to keep myself healthy. In 1997, my doctor told me that new medicines were available, so I switched to that. I've been on medication since.

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I regret not practising safe sex. Because of this, I can't marry or have kids. I used to be a very playful person, quite gangster-like, I only wanted to enjoy life. HIV has made me realise that I do not have many days left.

Now, I try to help others who are HIV positive. Some newly diagnosed patients are so scared, they physically tremble. I teach them how to protect themselves and how not to spread HIV to other people. Most of us begin to understand the value of life and have become more mature after being diagnosed with HIV. Peer support and a strong network of friends are very important in helping us come to terms with our condition. Expressing our feelings to fellow HIV patients helps in our emotional recovery.

I am still working now. My colleagues do not know about my HIV status. Two of my friends know about my condition. One of them fully supports me. We often meet for dinner, sharing the same utensils, go swimming and even use the same clothes. He doesn't feel uncomfortable.

I think he is able to accept me because he understands how HIV is spread. I feel understood, that he won't give up on me. The other friend contacted me for a while, then he stopped. Maybe he's worried about getting HIV. I don't feel bitter, but I am sad that I lost a good friend. I do not want him to feel uncomfortable so I don't call him.

HIV can build or break relationships. It's up to the person. Asians have a play-safe mentality, that's why they rather avoid us. But this is very hurting. As for my family members, only my brother knows. He helps me out financially from time to time. I don't have any fears now but I hope that the price of medication will do down. Right now it costs about $850-900 per month and doctor visits cost $100 per month.

I'm ok with doing this interview, but others may feel that it's unbearable to talk about their condition and do not want people to ask them about it. For me, I now see it as living with another virus. I also exercise to boost my immune system.

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This is the process that most HIV patients go through. For the first 1-3 weeks, the patients will not be very stable, especially if they are very ill. They will also be afraid that others will look down on him. The first time a HIV patient takes the medication, he will suffer from very bad side effects. After about 2 months, those who take medication will feel much better.

About 6 months later, they will feel totally different, very springy. At around 9 months from diagnosis, they should be able to go back to society and work.

But some patients cannot face the truth, as if it is the end of the world. Some feel guilty and shameful, and they can't face their families and friends. They do not want help and do not want to meet people. They do not understand that they can get on with life. These people die easily.

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A very serious problem is the number of people going overseas for sex. I have a few friends who still do that. I always tell my friends to use condoms, but they reject my advice and say that "if I get HIV, then so be it". They refuse to use a condom because they think that it is like having sex with a rubber. They do not understand the burden of not being able to do certain jobs, using expensive medication and adding much responsibility to family members.

Sometimes, my friends get sexually transmitted infections. They come back to Singapore and get treatment. Once cured, they go back to buying sex. They don't learn their lesson.

Prostitutes in some countries do not know about HIV and will not insist on condoms. Even if the prostitute insists on using a condom, the men usually do not have one and must buy from the hotel, which is very expensive.

I estimate that 50% of people who go overseas for sex know that they can get HIV through unprotected sex, but to enjoy the more sexual pleasure, they do not care about protection. I think out of ten people, nine get HIV through unprotected sex with prostitutes. Infection rates through illegal prostitutes in Singapore are also very high. Most infected men are straight and unmarried. Married men who get infected from prostitutes usually do not have sex with their wives anymore.

Some people think that HIV patients ask for it, because they go to prostitutes. However, some HIV patients are actually married women who are faithful but become infected by their husbands. For those who infect their wives, they would feel guilty while the wives will hate them. Most wives will accept their fate finally. There are some who divorce but not many.

I think the most important thing to stop the number of HIV infection from increasing is to educate people on the dangers of unprotected sex, and if they want to buy sex, they should use condoms.

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